During a conversation after putting Mr. Independent, my boyfriend’s 19 month-old son, down for a nap we began to once again discuss whether the possibility of another child was an option for us. We both love him dearly, but honestly, you don’t understand how hard it is to raise a child until you have one every day. Babysitting is nothing compared to having your own child and I really think our society lacks in the proper judgment of the responsibility of having a child.
I remember after graduating high school thinking I was more than ready to have a child. No big deal I decided, I wanted to get married and have kids ASAP. Almost four years later, I’m living proof that I had no idea what I was doing, no idea what I wanted and no idea of what I was capable of.
But during this conversation, we joke about waiting twenty years to have another child, never having a child… the usual things but during this conversation, something else became apparent to me. I understand why everyone says to take the time to focus on your marriage before you have kids. I understand why they tell you to enjoy your younger years where you have no responsibility. Life is hard enough trying to make a relationship work, let alone throwing a child into the mix. You need to make the best of your relationship, your marriage before you jump into something that requires complete selflessness.
We dream of what our relationship would be like without a child. We think about what we would do with all of our spare time. And most of the time, it’s outdoor activities. Traveling. Things that are almost impossible until his son is grown-up and out of the house. So it is so terrible that I have honestly considered not having a child of my own? I know I’ll have plenty of time to reconsider, but this experience with his son has been one for the books. So many things are completely different from what any of the articles or books I have read, and who would have thought that I would have such a particular child on my hands that absolutely has to eat things out of something, like a bag or a box, or with a fork? Patience is tried on a daily basis, and sometimes it really does get overwhelming, but the only thing that helps is remembering that he is just a kid, he doesn’t know better and we are his only hope in making him a respectable human being.
I know we’ve got some time to decide whether or not another child is even in the cards, but for now, we’ve got our eyes on Colorado in about 15.5 years. Camping, hiking, biking, kayaking and of course, snowboarding.
Until then, we’ll keep treading on.
“Conversations in 8447” are conversations with my boyfriend about life that we have in our apartment located at 8447 Clearwater Lane. I figure someone out there may benefit from these conversations. We are all humans, after all…