I know I’m young and I know that the age of 22 is just the start of adulthood. I’ve got a year left of college and plenty on my mind and my plate. But the reason why I’m going to wait to get married is a lot more complex then that.
A wedding will have to wait because…
1. I know that I don’t know exactly who I am.
I know that only a year ago, I believed and stood for things that I no longer would believe or stand for. I know that I don’t know exactly who I am or what I like. I know that I’m a people pleaser and that being said, my overall existence and what I prefer may rely on who I am currently trying to please.
So I think about it this way- would I want my husband to know who he is, or still be following orders on what he thinks everyone wants him to be? I want to be who to want my husband to be, therefore I can’t expect to be happily married until I feel that I am at a point in my life that I am completely happy with myself.
like have to be right.
You heard me correctly, I have to be right.
You can see the problem, already. Not only is it not an option for me to admit that I am wrong, but I cannot admit fault in any situation. If you wanted me to be honest, here it is. The last thing that should be brought into a marriage, is someone who thinks they are right 100% of the time and cannot admit fault. The issue begins with the character of the person at fault. And undoubtedly, I am that person. It’s something you learn to change, it takes courage and loving yourself enough to admit being wrong. Honestly, it takes a lot. And currently, I can’t find it, but I’m looking for it.
3. I pick fights.
And I’m not talking about big fights about big things- I pick fights about things you can hardly fight about. But in my mind, of course, I was never fighting in the first place. But top this all off with the act of assuming and an attitude, you’d fight me too. You can’t blame someone for thinking I can’t go a day without fighting because I don’t realize that I’m fighting. I don’t realize that it’s become a fight. And that sucks. That is something that is deep down in my bones, something ingrained in my mind to be seen as correct. But then again, I don’t ever think I’m wrong.
See why I’m waiting yet?
4. The “reasons”.
I have plenty of friends that got married straight out of high school for some of the most unreasonable reasons (to me). I want my reasoning for choosing to get married to be intelligent and well thought-out. I’ve been in a situation before where I jumped into getting engaged and I wouldn’t want to ever do that again.
5. I want my husband to be my best friend…
But I want him to also know that I don’t need him. I want him to be confident in my ability to provide for myself and to take care of myself. I don’t want him to ever have to think for a second whether or not I could survive without him and until I have graduated and have really got a good start on my life and my career, that is impossible. So, why jump into a marriage that I can’t be independent of? I wouldn’t and I couldn’t. And this is just another huge reason why I want to wait.
• Marriage is a huge deal to me. It doesn’t just have to do with the feeling of love. It doesn’t just have to do with the compatibility of two people. It has to deal with making yourself become exactly who you want to be before you throw someone else into that mess. My husband and I will be better off if I have a decent outlook on what I want, who I am and knowing that I am happy with who I have become.